I'm not really sure what to write. Just felt I needed to "do" something as I sit here in anticipation. Sure I'm anxious and nervous and scared. Tears have come and gone. "What ifs" have popped in my mind. I thought I'd be okay by piling in a Transformers movie marathon with the boys over the weekend. I thought it would take my mind off of "it." But I'd be kidding myself...I was kidding myself.
Then late last night we got in the final pics from our photography session with Ms. Miranda. The above pic is one of the ones she took. Oh it was the whole family too. Something that my wife, Amy, has been wanting for a long time. She's waited nearly 5 years for professional pics. But...
We all know we scheduled the pics because of "it." That thing that's coming up on Monday and has to deal with our little Chloe. Because nothing in life is forever, right? Isn't that what we say all the time to relieve ourselves of the grief or disappointment?
The Bible says that the "Lord giveth and He taketh away." But it also says that God is our "ever present help in time of trouble." Jesus promised us that He would never leave us nor forsake us.
I think the verses I have been holding onto the most these past several weeks are:
"3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." - Romans 5:3-5 (NLT)
"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." - Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG)
It feels like we've come a long journey. But it's only been a few weeks. It's only been a few bumps and potholes in the road of life. And in the grand scheme of what we will see on this earth, we've really not been through a lot. That's at least what I can say right now as I feel like I'm sitting in the eye of the storm.
You know what I'm talking about, right? That place in the storm where everything seems to be right. That place in life where you can see this picture and think, "Man, I am so blessed by the Lord."
Everything is right where it should be. And praise be to God for that! Of course!
Tomorrow is Sunday. We will head to church like we always do. We've asked the pastor there to anoint our daughter with oil and pray over her, over the doctors, surgeons and nurses, and he will most likely pray, "Your will, Lord, not ours." We'll have many people tell us they are praying for us and I know they will be. Then we'll come home and finish packing for the week.
We'll then sit around and wait for Amy's mom to drive from Traverse City, Michigan, and for my mom and grandmother to drive from Davison, Michigan. Amy's mom will stay with our other beautiful babies and care for them. My family will come to Indy with us and will stand vigil with us as we try to get a good night's sleep at a nearby hotel. Thankful to my mom and grandma for taking care of this cost.
Our baby will only be allowed to have Pedialyte tomorrow through 7:00am on Monday. Then we will make the very short trip from the hotel to Riley and be there at 8:30am. At this time, the nurses and doctors will start to get vitals and then she will be given something that will make her sleep while they insert an I.V. Then around 10am, we'll give our baby up completely to the surgical team and we will wait about three and a half hours. I pray that it will not feel longer.
We ask that you will join us in prayer as many of you have already been doing. Pray that God will bring Chloe through this. Pray that God will guide the surgeon and the surgical team. That every movement they make will be according to His plan.
For that is what it's about....His plan. Not our plan. Thanks for reading this. I pray this song will help bring you encouragement as it has for me.
